A step by step guide to farting in public without getting found out (text version)

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These tips are from one of the funniest Twitter accounts in Nigeria (@TunnyKing). This Dude is also a professional at farting in public, he was caught a couple of times when he first started, but after over 22 years in the farting business, he has these tips to give anyone who decides to fart in public and wants to get away with it. It’s written in Pidgin English though and I’m far too lazy to translate to proper grammar.

These 11 steps will help you fart in public & still get away with it.

1. As the mess just catch you, jejely survey the area first with ur eyes, especially if na inside class, bank, bus. Sorfa say people plenty

2. Act like a gentleman man or a cute lass, no smile o… Just dey neutral

3. If the people around you dey discuss join dem, but if not just feel free. Press phone or do something to keep you busy.

4. Now sit tight… You fit cross your leg if you be girl. (For easy releasing of the nuclear bomb)

5. Now raise one part of ur yansh slowly like Glo network. Then release small first to know if na mess wey go make noise(Still dey form busy)

6. If na the type wey dey make noise, suppress am small by pressing your abdominal muscles.

7. Now allow the fart go out with total freedom, make e circulate wella. (Keep acting busy. Afterall nothing concern you.)

8. People go begin make comments like; “hmmmm, fuuun, who messs?” “Some people wicked o. .” “Na wa ooo, for this heat.”

9. Just say… “Ahhhhh! e never smell reach my side, but who be that kind wicked person naa”.

10. As plenty people don perceive am, you self join the crowd dey complain on how bad the mess dey smell. Nobody go suspect you

11. But if nobody complain. U sef keep quiet, form busy and focus. No time for dulling abeg.

Click HERE to read the memes version of the steps above (I promise you those memes really made it more hilarious)

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Favour Onyeoziri

Favour has interests which span across creative writing, advertising, and Digital Marketing. He holds a BA.Ed in Education and History from the University of Lagos, Nigeria. He is a published Poet, a practicing Advert Copywriter, a social media marketing expert, and Influencer. Oops, lest we forget, he loves comedy too and is better known as the Memes master on Twitter where his memes have constantly lightened up the mood of hundreds of thousands of people daily.

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