Nigeria is a country of contrasts and you don’t really have to work hard to get noticed. Here are 5 things to do if you wish to appear successful, at least in your neighborhood.
1. Coincidentally step into the house as PHCN restores power: argh, my friend, you’re a bringer of good luck, your praises will be sung, until you all realize PHCN actually meant to lighten up the next street and not yours. Sorry dear, e pele
2. Walk in on someone immediately after their meal is served: woo, woo, you’ve got a lucky foot my friend, come on in, grab some cutlery. The gods destined you to be here, so go ahead, delight the deities with your eating skills
3. Beat everyone else to the front seat of a commercial Bus: mehn, do you even know what that means? it’s like making Heaven, especially if there was a dearth of Buses & an overflowing abundance of stranded commuters, then you beat everyone else to the front seat, Brother, Sister, seat in peace, you’ve deserved it
4. Become a successful Yahoo-Boy: Forget what these elderly people are saying o, as a young guy, if you’re constantly making that cheese either from wire-wire, Baba or armed robbery, my brother, you are a celebrity in your own right. You deserve to be worshiped! do you even know how many failed yahoo boys are out there? many People can’t sacrifice a loved one to make these cheese, abeg abeg abeg, enter your Red Range Rover and be going. Bye Bye
5. Be a popular Runs Girl without getting preggy: ha! tiri gbosa for you! if you are that Aunty that’s popular for never giving any guy on the street, but posh cars always come to pick you up every evening and drop you off early mor mor, Aunty, tiri gbosa for you if after 3-4years, you have no known case of pregnancy, asin, you never carry belle! Babe, you are the standard, you are living the life and evading the consequences, look behind you naa! can’t you see the long queue of young girls whose envy you attract, habana, they want to be like you when they grow up. Flexx, chop-life, follow man, but no carry belle, yimu for the haters, no mind them